Life Improvement Tips For The Wise Few

You must understand what it is that you like and dislike, about something or someone. But if your a true leader and not a follower, you will have to be criticized, complemented, liked and disliked.

Most of you and I must admit that I myself loves to be complemented, but what happens when your attacked with a bombardment of negative things that you do. How do you deal with it? What do you do? Will You run? Will stand there and argue?

Life is filled with positive and negative moments and people, and to be at the top, you have to learn how to deal with both the good and the bad. At times I really came to believe that the more bad you are confronted with, the stronger you become.

Let me give you a little example that took place just a couple days back. A colleague called me and I told him about an issue that had to be dealt with right away, he immediately went into defense mode, and stated that I should call the Hotel Manager and let him call him. I told him that’s a waste of energy, why don’t you call him and try to understand what the issue is.

He didn’t even bother with me, and told me no, he won’t do that, I should call the Hotel manager. Now, that really confused me, and at that moment I questioned myself, what is his issue. I didn’t make the call and later that afternoon our manager came to the office, I didn’t bring up the topic, just then that colleague walked in and I called him and asked him what happened with the problem from this morning. he was really nice and said in a soft an friendly voice, I already told you what to do. He was so sweet, I swore that I got cavities from the way he was acting. I then said, how nice, but the boss is here now, so let me hear what you had to say.

He then said you go and tell him then, and so I did. My manager walked over and asked what was the issue, I then explained what was going on, and he then asked the guy what was happening. Must give my boss a credit for that, he listened to both sides. Great skills, when your facing both evils, make no choice, choice no sides, just listen to both.

My colleague began speaking in a weird manner, calling and referring to people without names, I told him, hey if your talking about me, just say what’s on your mind, because I don’t like stories.

This was the first time I was being criticized for something I did. At that moment he caught me off-guard and I was really pissed. But, I didn’t show it, but my voice was much louder than normal. You know what surprised me most, is that this colleague stayed very calm and collective. He honestly showed more skills, he really made me loose my cool.

What happened?

A simple case of letting someone get to you, I left him irritate me, and lost my cool. From now on, I will have to pay much more attention, and think before I respond, and most important: Don’t ever, ever loose your cool!

He then said he would file a complaint against me for the way I addressed him. I then told him that he was just being childish and that when the manager is there he acts so sweet and nice like a spoiled child. But, I must say I honestly learned something from this whole issue.

What did I learn from this?

Ever since I came to work in this department, this guy was confronting me, and I was avoiding him, I kept avoiding him, and the more he kept attacking. I always believed that by avoiding the problem or this person it was the best solution.

That is pure hog wash.

After our problem, we met outside and he asked me; “So you want to bring out your guns and shoot me!”

That statement really pissed me off, but then I told him what I felt and what really happened, a stupid simple over looked mistake brought forward some serious issues. But, once I laid my cards on the table and explained him what I thought, and he explained what he thought. We finally understood each other.

As you can see at some point in your life, you will be confronted or criticized. Don’t run from your problems, just listen to the person attacking, and ask yourself: Why is this person attacking me? Do I attack people the same way?

If you can answer those questions honestly, then you will notice that you do the same and  what your sending out is what you will receive. Change that attitude, stop attacking people, try to understand and reason with people. If they can’t be reasoned with, just state your case and explain that you have to leave.

No matter what people say about you, just embrace and analyze if it’s true and if it is, just change that habit and simply move on. Your not trying to live your life to please. Your trying to learn how to speak your mind and how to be better understood. Those are the most important issues that we have to deal with in life.

Spend more time improving your speaking skills, that way people will understand you better, and you won’t be scared to say what you have to.

The biggest problem you face in life is how to deal with problems. On a daily basis we face problems and learning how to manage your problems is what separates winners from losers. The trouble with problems is new ones keep popping up, your life will never run out of problems, as one problem goes away up comes another one. To live a fulfilled and happy life you will have to become good at problem solving. How do you become a master at problem solving?

If at any time in your life you encounter a problem your first notion is to worry about the problem, but that is not the right way to go about this. Making the problem a daily ritual is what creates more stress on a day to day basis. To understand this process you will have to realize that what we think about all day long becomes a part of our life. If we focus on a problem, then our life will have nothing but more problems to deal with, because the more we worry about the problem the more problems will arise at that moment.

Problem solving involves a pattern of thinking, and this has nothing to do with education, but more to do with focusing on the solution. You have to actually see the solution before your eyes, and then take baby steps towards solving your problem.

Many people have problems and all they do is rant on and on about their problems and never actually sit down to face their problems. They run from the problem instead of dealing with the problem. I have never seen any problem solve it’s self, if that was possible the world would be a problem free place, unfortunately i’s not that way. you have to find your own method for solving your own problems, and no matter how bad you think your method is, it’s better than no method at all.

Don’t focus on the cause

As you encounter a problem in your life, it could be a health problem, skin problem, a social problem or any problem for a matter of fact, you will have to learn to not focus on the problem. forget the cause and don’t keep blaming yourself. That problem exist because you made a bad choice, or it was something that was supposed to just happen (that is my simple version for not blaming myself, I just say it was to happen to me), whatever the case, it’s not important. What is really important now is how to change your mind from focusing on the problem and getting your mind to focus on a solution or many different solutions.

The most important point is to not do any finger pointing and try to blame what has happened on anyone else, and that also mean to not yourself. The problem came to life, because something went out of sync, and that means it is time for you to redesign, change and come up with new ideas to improve your life and get rid of this problem.

That is why big thinkers are so great at solving problems, they can turn any problem into a solution, they don’t see problems, they tend to look for solutions within the problems. that is why it is so easy to spot great managers, they come up with ideas and try to get the ball rolling, they never try to pin the problem on anyone, they accept failure and don’t dwell on it.

No problem just arise on a first come first off notice. It has been brewing for some time, one thing leads to another, but unaware to you, this problem has taken on a life of it’s own and when you least expect it is when it strikes. Just like how the problem manifested, so will the solution, but you have to start making small little preparations in your mind as to how you will deal with this problem.

Sometimes, certain problems are are not repairable, and in that case it is best to abandon and forget about that issue, it makes no sense trying to fix what is out of your league.

Let me give an example, a simple one to understand what I am trying to explain, let’s say a discussion takes place between two friends about another’s best friend. one says something that the other said, and then it gets back ot the other friend. That friend confronts their friend and the friendship gets destroyed because of a simple they say we say and no one actually said. This is common, but as you can see if no one takes the first step to say look what broke up our friendship and no one gives in, then that friendship will be lost forever.

Another example from a business standpoint that I have witnessed; Let’s say we have a problem with a system, and we need to come up with a solution fast. The easy way out is when everyone blames the guy that was making changes at that moment. When I arrived one the scene I asked each and everyone what the issue was and what they think, everyone points fingers at the other. At the same time, the problem would have been solved much easier if the persons involved spent the same energy looking for a solution instead of trying to blame each other at that moment. This is something I deal with daily, and I never ever get involved in the finger pointing game, I solve the problem, and seldom ever say who was at fault, especially if it was another employee who overlooked something.

One more thing to remember is that not all problems have causes, not all causes can be corrected and fixed. So looking for causes is not wise, and won’t fix the problem.

My way of solving problems

As stated before, everyone has to find what works for them and continue to educate yourself and come up with better methods for doing things. I have learned a lot and continue to learn each and everyday of my life. I analyze what works and what doesn’t work. I have adapted many things in my life for better, and witness many issues in my past that affected my own performance. Life is about adjusting and improving what isn’t working on a day to day basis.

The first thing I noticed with people who can’t solve problems is that they are very unsure of themselves and have a hard time taking action, I should say they don’t know how to come up with taught producing patterns that caters towards the solution. To fix any problem, you will have to start by changing something, and I usually start with the changes in my mind. In simple words, forget about the cause, and just focus in your mind on what works, and what would be the best solution.

Whenever I am confronted with a problem, I usually analyze the situation by thinking about the cause, this is a brief analysis. I then just accept what happened and focus on a way out. I don’t ever blame myself or try to make anyone see it my way. My method is to ask myself a series of wise questions:

1. What could I have done to avoid this?
2. What can I do now to better this situation?
3. What have I been overlooking?
4. What will make this better right now?

As you can see I am preparing in my mind the solution and at the same time a way to prevent this from happening again. You will also have to come up with your own winning questions, those are mines, use if you like, once you get good at this, you will come up with questions that brings solutions with the first question you ask yourself.

No matter what you do from there, just follow your mind and the solution that was given to you at that moment. Just start with your own problem solving methods. No solution is the worse answer, just start with small improvements and the big picture will be drawn and before you know it you will have solved your own problem and your next problem will be in the making. Learn to deal with problems, life is filled with em, the better you are with problem solving the higher up the ladder you will get in society.

It will all become much easier, and you will get better and better at solving your own problems. Just take action…

As I sat down to watch the news tonight, every channel was briefly discussing the topic of banning the spanking of our kids. Should spanking be banned? Well, I have three kids, and I must admit, this doesn’t fit well with my way of thinking and the way I raised my kids.

There are many ways to raise your kids and I have spanked my kids. I have also seen parents that didn’t spank, and I know of those that takes spanking to an abusive level.

Why I spank my kids

First we must understand what exactly is spanking, and why I do spank. I have given my kids minimal spanking but I had many words exchanged in the process with them. I created a little rule that was laid down by my Mom, once a kid makes twelve years then their spanking ritual ends. So my kids look forward to that milestone, and I must admit, all that is needed after that is good communication and respect.

On the other hand I had a rule whereby no teacher shall ever have to call me to school because of rude behavior. Your grade for behavior should be your best mark in class, even if all your other grades sucked. When my son made nine, he had an outburst with one of the teachers, and he was panting and acting as if he was in charge. Well, that soon changed once I got to the school. I looked at him and said we will deal once we get home. He started to cry and I didn’t even touched him, because he knew of the rule and the consequences that would follow. The teacher grabbed him and started to feel sorry for him.

When we got home I gave him a good trashing with a belt, and later that evening I explained him the reason why. I have to be honest, that was the first and last spanking he really got from me. I must also admit that was the last time any teacher ever complained him to me.

Spanking is not abusing

Many parents get the concept mixed up, abuse is not spanking. When you take spanking to a next level and use the buckle of a belt or any type of metal object like pipes. Then your naturally abusing your children. That is abusive behavior. It is always better to not spank your kid when your in a rage, that way you will control the level of punishment.

I have seen situation where parents spanked their kids until blood came, because they ripped the skin with the object they were beating their kids. That is plane out abuse. And I don’t believe it should ever get to that level.

Mothers fighting with their kids to prove who is in charge, it’s not about who is in charge it is about you being a parent. parents and kids should never ever have to fight. this shows no love or bond within that family. They tend to miss out on the little love that a parent is suppose to be offering.

Teaching your kids to love

Sometimes, it is much easier to to give love, but you can’t give or expect to receive what you have never given. Many parents miss the chance to show love, and that should be an ongoing process that starts when they are very young.

We tend to scold, kick and scream at our kids, but seldom do we ever praise or give compliments for the good things they do. We condemn the bad behavior and have absolutely no kind of conversations with our kids. Spending time with your kids is vital, just playing card games or simple board games, creates lasting bonds and memories.

Children are the easiest to deal with once we show them how to love, a little hug before bed goes a long way. A kiss on the cheek and naturally saying I love you, shows them how much you care. Start showing the kind of love you would like in return and you will be assured of the kind of love you receive.

To spank or not to spank

Don’t spare the rod and spoil the child…

Many parents are afraid to spank their kids, and as I always say; “What you practice at home becomes very easy on the streets.” If you can’t control your kids at home, then you should not try to control them when your around your friends or out of the house. They are not accustom to you showing that authoritative type of power, so they will embarrass you.

I always believe that the role of a parent is to show respect (notice what I just wrote, you have to show respect), and then to set the rules in your own home as to what you will tolerate and what you would not. Once your kids understand the rules, your life becomes very easy. If you can’t get your kid to understand the rules before the age of four to five, then forget it, they will never listen to you. Your only choice is to pray and hope for the best.

There are easy going kids, they are very easy to raise, but then you have very inquisitive kids, and they are the ones that needs a whole load of explaining and correcting. Kids adhere to rules, and sometimes expect the parent to step in, but they don’t. At that moment your kid will keep testing the bounds and trying to get away with anything you overlook. Once they notice what you don’t address it just keeps getting worse until you loose control over your own kid.

I do believe that we should spank once a kid gets out of control. Two or three lashes will be more than enough. Don’t make spanking your first priority, you can also punish your kids.

Punishing your kids is much better

To punish is a much easier method and it demands strict control on your behalf. You have to reinforce the punishment and not let them get away with it.

Just monitor your kids and use what they like as methods for punishment. If your kids like playing with a special toy, PSP, baseball or whatever else, just let them know they can’t attend for a week or two as punishment and make sure they don’t go.

This process has to be taught from a very young age, it is the only way you will be able to continue this sort of punishment at a older age. One method I always used is to use a firm voice to show when I disliked something. Practice this tone whenever they do anything wrong, they will get scared anytime you use that tone of voice.

If parents were firm in applying those simple methods of punishment, then we would have no need for the government to step in and creates false laws that govern how we should raise our own kids. To be a parent means you have to make sure your little kid can’t outsmart you. You’ve walked that road before, think back and make a sound decision and stick with it.

The most respectful kids are those that has been punished when they were younger. So I am a firm believer in punishing kids. The government should not be the one to dictate how we should raise our kids. They are the first to put all the blame on us when our kids does wrong, so let us stand fully responsible for the methods we choose to raise our kids. With that I do mean spanking and punishing, no abuse.