Life Improvement Tips For The Wise Few

I want to leave you with a quote from Robert Holden’s book: Shift Happens…

Today, be what you want.

If you want love, be loving.

If you want peace, be peaceful.

If you want fun, be funny.

If you want “NEW”, be different.

If you want adventure, be open.

If you want success, be alive.

If you want joy, be kind.

I can’t say enough great things about this book, Shift Happens, it is just inspiring, amazing and fun to read over and over again…

This was one of those horrible days in my life that has affected many people on the Island of St. Maarten and still affects my own relationship and many people whom I don’t even know, that I just had to get it off my chest.

Life is so full of surprises that sometime it shocks the heck out of you and all you do is wonder why, I have one such surprise to share with you all that will leave you stunned, and it surrounds this good looking dark thin guy by the name of Shev, my brother in law, one that I always believed would have made it far in life. For years now he has been in a on and off type of relationship with Estella. I really can’t say this was a relationship because he used to treat Estella as if she was never around, they would seldom have any fruitful conversations when ever I saw them together. They seldom spoke, at least that was what I noticed. But they had a beautiful little daughter together, her name was Isis. She was really a lovely little girl, one that captures the heart of anyone she knew.

I would never forget the talks me and Estella used to have, some of them was when he was visiting at my home. I would tell him, that I just don’t understand why you two are together, it is as if your good for only a week and then you guys are back on the war path. They were like two north poles of a magnet. They seldom had great moments together.

I was never really aware of all the problems they were facing, but I heard some stories from Estella concerning the way he used to treat her in Holland. It was as if the two of them was in such a horrible relationship from their school days. Anytime you confronted Shev about why he did those things to Estella he would just laugh it off.

They had plans on going to live together and I told them that it made no sense, I asked them why would they want to live together and they seldom even talk. Some how nothing ever got through their thick skulls, they started to make plans to go and live in the home from my Mother in law. That created problems and somehow it never happened.

I told Estella, that if she was my daughter, I would hit her over the head with a brick. She once had a serious bruise on her hand, and told me she got that when they were arguing, I told her that is physical abuse, girl I truly don’t understand why you would put up with this.

One day as we were speaking I asked Shev, if he would like someone to do onto his daughter the exact same things he is doing onto Estella. He became silent for a moment and then said; “No”. I honestly believed that things was really going downhill fast and the two of them decided to split. This was not the first time they broke up and parted, somehow they always came back together. And would start the fussing and arguing all over again.

The Tuesday night confrontation

One Tuesday night, I saw my wife, her Mom and her brother Shev having a chat concerning his relationship with Estella. They were convincing him to try and treat her nice and win back her love.

At that moment I jumped in and said, I am shocked that your trying to get back with her, because you always treat her so bad. And said, that you know once a women doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore it is very hard to get her back. He said, I have no problem with that I am cool with the whole situation. He said that if he wasn’t cool with it, he would really hurt her new boyfriend. It seemed Estella had found herself a guy she really loved and they were going really steady.

I asked, what would you get from that?

I told him that you would have many more guys to hurt all your life, because life goes on. He then said she can go on with her life, it’s all good. Well, it all seemed that he was coping great with Estella leaving him.

He was just driving around all alone on Election Day

That Friday was election day in St. Maarten and we all decided to go and vote and hang around the voting boot in South Reward next to the Milton Peters College. Me and my wife went with the kids and cast our votes. While there I ran into my brother Donny, and he came and chilled with us.

While there we saw Shev pass up and down the road three times driving in his car. I asked my wife what her brother was up to, it looks like he is lost. She then told me that he was having a hard time dealing with his broken relationship. She also said that they were looking for a shrink (Psychiatrist) that will help him get over this.

I had no clue it was really that bad, he looked great in my eyes, and he was also dating other women. No one really paid much attention to this whole ordeal, because on this island of St. Maarten breaks ups are a common thing.

The day the clouds burst and blood fell from the sky

It was getting kind of late and the darkness was setting in, we all parted and proceeded to home. It wasn’t even a good 15 minutes after we got home that my phone rang.

I got a call that evening around seven that made me sick to the stomach, all hell broke loose. I will never forget this day, as I answered my phone, Sandra told me that Shev had just shot a guy and jumped in his car and drove away from the scene.

I told my wife, and she began to cry and break down, she fell to the ground. I held her up and she said she has to go by her Mom. I drove her to her Mom and I was very speechless. As we got there, the news had already reached her Mom, she was also crying, everyone was devastated. I asked if anyone called Estella. But, I guessed they were grieving and no one was thinking of little Estella and the devastation that she witnessed.

My phone was ringing off the hook and I was hearing all kinds of stories as to what happened. The more I heard the more bitter it made me. He shot Richard eleven times, while Estella was standing right there, clinging onto him. Not once, but eleven times he shot him. I just can’t picture what she went through. I took my phone and called her phone, she didn’t answer.

The whole family was very worried, and me and Marvin (Shev’s brother), decide to go and look for him. We drove to all the places we think he would be, but didn’t find him. As we were heading home, we heard that they found his car, and drove by the scene where his car was located. It seems they found his cell-phones and a bunch of beer cans and a couple empty tablet bottles. But, no good was found, none will ever be found also.

As we got back to my wife mothers home, my phone rang, it was Estella’s best friend. She told me that she is really taking it hard and can’t speak. I told her that I have no words to offer, just tell her to be strong for Isis.

Around midnight that evening Estella called, and she was crying hysterically and said; “None of them called, your the one who isn’t even related in any form or fashion, and you called”.

I said, this is tough on everyone, and if she would like to speak to one of them. She said, no, they don’t care, they never called. I don’t want to speak to no one right now. My ears was ringing, because all I kept replaying in my mind is her cries. It was really touching. I just didn’t know what to say. How could this happen, I never pictured this happening in my life.

What went wrong here?

Why wasn’t he telling anyone about his problems?

How could it be that no one knew of his plans?

Was he so over the edge and no one noticed anything?

All kinds of questions ran through my mind, all were unanswered, at that moment I knew how bad this would get. the whole family was devastated. Two families affected by one person deeds, this can’t be real.

That evening I got little sleep, the next day was Saturday, and we got a call later that they found Shev, wondering around in Belvedere. The police took him in and no one was allowed to see him for a couple days.

He was very toxic, and was taken to the hospital and placed under protective custody, where they weer allowed to bring clothing for him.

Turning the blame away from the shooter

One thing led to another and from there my life turned a living hell, I heard my wife’s Mom say how Estella was to blame because she was having an affair with both guys. That really made me sick, and out of respect I didn’t really say what I wanted to… but, I told her her that doesn’t give him the rights to shoot anyone.

It was as if they were trying to blame Estella for what happened here. Well, when my wife came home that day, I tried too explain her what is going on here, and told her what your Mom is saying is wrong, I don’t acre if Estella was a hooker, your brother took someone life.

She was totally in full agreement with her Mom, I told her please remember that what your saying here is that if your daughters should meet a someone sick like your brother that it alright for him to take her other boyfriend life because they broke up.

This was even the worse part of it all, Richard’s family also turned their back on Estella. she was going through this ordeal all alone. The blame was shifted, and I just can’t figure out what was happening here.

My home became a battle ground

There was no reasoning left in my home, my wife believed in her brother. I was witnessing for the first time in my life how people try to cover up there own family wrong doings.

What are we teaching our own kids here, when we try and protect them even when they are wrong. Is it much easier to pass the blame?

My mom always raised to prove right from wrong, and she turned in her own kids once when there was a case where a lot of the youths in St. Maarten was joy riding rental cars for fun.

This whole story was getting really bitter, because Shev was saying that he can’t recall what actually happened. My own opinion doesn’t count here, but I am not falling for that crap. It is impossible to not remember, and have no clue what you did with the gun. If the gun was discovered I would have easily believed that story.

From that day in January, my family life has changed, there is no trust amidst us anymore. All during this whole ordeal, I was trying to keep my kids calm, and explain them that what there Uncle did is wrong. No matter what people say, when you take another persons life, no one is to blame but the shooter.

I went behind my wife back and took my kids to see Estella and Isis on Christmas Eve. My kids were very happy to see Isis and Estella, and I was also glad to see them. All I can say is Estella is made out of stone. She is a real strong person, and I do hope you don’t let anyone abuse you like that again in your life.

What a life of growing pains

Form the time I knew Estella, she was always saying that her whole life was always filled with sadness. When she was younger her father died, and Estella was raised by a adopted family. I have met her adopted family and they really gave Estella a life, and they are really nice people. Her Mom lives in Holland, but for some reason or the other never wanted to take Estella with her. I have never heard the reason why.

Now she was faced with this tragedy, her life was a mess.

I told her one day, stop crying, your pain and suffering will pass, but Shev life will never be the same, and all of us will hurt because of his deeds.

The lesson here is that we have to learn how to stand responsible for our acts and think before we do and think of the people we will be hurting before we do anything ridiculous in life. Many families are hurting because of your actions, and no life lost can ever be regained. This was unjustified, and it goes to show that what we think about all day long is what will affect our minds.

We will never ever know what was going through Shev mind when he pulled the trigger, but a life was lost, and Estella was blamed for the whole thing. Some Mother’s turn away from their own kids wrong doing and forgot that they themselves is just a woman and physical abusive is not needed to solve your problems.

I can honestly say for the first time that I now truly understand what they mean when they say: “Blood is thicker than water“.

I have witnessed first hand how a mother tries to protect her own son and pass the blame onto someone else. Are we supposed to protect our own kids wrong doing?

My life will never be the same, because a dark cloud brews over me, my family and my wife. We don’t communicate like we used to. We can’t ever discuss her brother, because she sees things totally different than I do.

Shev got sentenced nine years, and when they appealed he got an extra three and a half years.

What made him do it will remain a mystery, and he will have to deal with his own conscience and guilt, and see how he will continue with his life after that. I don’t know if I can ever face him and pretend like all is well.

It saddens me to see how Shev’s family life has changed, they were always a family that stuck together. He did a selfish thing and left many hearts broken. That will always leave a big scar on the family heart.

I am also sorry for Richard’s family, because he was really a great kid. I have never known him, but everyone who did and even Estella spoke highly of him.

Estella, I am sorry to see what you went through, and I do hope you find happiness in your life. You didn’t deserve what you got, all you was looking for is someone to love.

Life will never be the same for all whom was affected by this horrific act, I do hope we all learn that violence isn’t the way out. Your hurting more people than you can think of when you commit such evil acts. Both families has been affected and even Estella and her family.

To forgive and forget, but can we really get this out of our minds?

Being thin really made my dating life hard, because I was constantly putting myself down and always believing that your I was not good enough. If you feel this is, let me tell you I have been there and done just that, but it doesn’t have to be that way, there is a way to stop putting yourself down and letting you size stop you from catching that dream girl of your life.

I am no dating guru, but I always had a hard time with the chicks, until I learned that girls don’t really know what they want. They just like to be challenged, and once you understand how to trigger that spark of interest, you can make any girl look interested in you.

Understanding how to communicate with women

When I was about fourteen/fifteen, I didn’t catch or understand how to communicate with girls to make them interested in me. I would sit for hours thinking up lines, and studying songs to find words to say to girls. Man, I had no clue I was doing it all wrong. It wasn’t until I understood what to say and how to act around women that made my life easy. To fully understand how to communicate with women I started watching my brothers and other friends of mine and that was what finally gave me the courage to do the same.

I used to spend hours just admiring and never even taking the first step to tell her something, and when I finally did say something, I would just say the wrong thing.

If your in my shoes, I fully understand, but it doesn’t have to be that way, because what we thin guys usually do, is apply a dose of mind sabotage, by telling ourselves that she won’t be interested in such a thin guy before we even approach that girl. We always feel that no such beauty will be interested in such a wimpy body structure.

But, once you understand that it’s not about approach or what you say, it’s more about being yourself, and fully understanding how to start simple conversations with any girl. You have to learn how to communicate more effectively by picking words out of her own sentences and constantly teasing her about anything that she says.

Stop trying to be Mr. perfect

Have you ever been in the situation, where you would naturally stand there trying to figure out what to say to a girl that you were admiring, and when you finally figure out what to tell her all you said was one line. Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds, but that has happened many time to me, because I was always trying to find the right words to say.

Once, I stopped worrying about my size and just approaching each and every “beautiful girl” I saw, just saying something funny that made them smile. I would notice how easy our conversation went after that. I didn’t even have to ask for any numbers, they were telling me to make sure leave my number with them.

But, I must admit, you do have to first understand what to say, and when to say it. And I must admit, that I got some great ideas from double your dating. A simple e-book, that really showed me how to really approach more women on a much easier scale.

Nice guys finishes last

If you read the above phrase correctly, then I know it made you think. If your a skinny guy then I know you’ve been played by many beautiful girls that got you to do things for them you never ever wanted. Please don’t take the above statement lightly, nice guys do finish last. Stop, trying to please women, try to be the one who always says no and play hard to get. Stop giving into what women wants.

We skinny guys are always trying to be nice, it wasn’t until I honestly started playing hard to get, and honestly being cocky where women is concerned, that I started dating some really good looking girls. That all started when I was about 17 years, at 19 years I was unstoppable.

Girls would have boyfriends and would just invite me to parties, because they always had fun with me, I wasn’t “boring”. Yes, you have to be exciting else it will be hard to keep a girl attention.

How A Skinny Guy Got More Dates Than The Bodybuilder

I was a very thin guy, but I had lots of smooth talking skills at a very young age. I realized that women didn’t care how thin I was, once they could laugh and have a good time with me.

My friends used to ask me constantly what I said to them that would make them so interested in me.

Well, let me give you the story of two bodybuilding guys that I took away their girl from. Guys with too much muscles don’t spend enough time training their brain. I saw this cute girl once standing in a mall and she was with this bodybuilder guy. Huge guy, big like a fridge, more muscles than I have ever seen. I walked over to her when he went into a store and asked her how does that rocky mass of a guy fit into her lean and trim schedule, I believe we fit and trim people should stick together (Trim I called myself, I was nothing but bones).

She laughed, and I told her we need to discuss this another time. That was the ice breaker, I just needed to meet her again, the next time I saw it was easy conversations from there. We started meeting more often and the rest was history. I left the bodybuilder heart-broken.

Does size really matter

I will give you one line, that works miracle on all women, whenever I would see any lady that I was interested in, I would walk up to them and introduce myself and say; ” Hi, I just hate it when women is looking at me and just won’t come over to introduce themselves.” They would always laugh, and say who. Then I would introduce myself.

Form that moment on, I would keep finding stuff to tease her about, her lipstick, her bag, the funny clothing she wears, even if she looked good. I would just not acknowledge her beauty, I would keep listening to any words she says, and turn them into sexual innuendos that she was making towards me. I would ask her to stop looking at me like she want to take me home. Size doesn’t matter, just being funny works all the time for me.

Just when she is all in the mood and bursting with laughter I would say I have to go. Always leave when your ahead, that way you will get her number very easy. Make sure she is really into you first.

The best way to learn how to do this, is by practicing, and using mind power to show how confident you are, women love men who don’t come across as needy. Stop showing them how much you want them and you will find the dream girl of your life.

Improve your dress code a little

The first thing you will have to do is improve your dress code. You will have to learn how to dress and combine your colors so that you look good.

One sign to spot a unorganized skinny guy by, is to look at his belt. They always buy big belts, that look like they have their pants tied together. Buy a smaller belt, and make sure it fits, with just two or three extra wholes left over. If your still unsure about dressing, strike up a conversation with a woman you know about improving your dress code and ask her if she would like to help you improve your dress style. Go shopping with her.

I will cover how to improve your dress code in another topic, but, you can start off with that little tip. It will give you a jump start.

For now, go out there and start approaching a couple girls, do it on a daily basis, stop trying to impress them, just play hard to get and be cocky, tease them about anything and everything you can think of.