A Love Affair Turns Deadly
Written by Alex Marlin on October 22, 2007 – 3:23 am -This was one of those horrible days in my life that has affected many people on the Island of St. Maarten and still affects my own relationship and many people whom I don’t even know, that I just had to get it off my chest.
Life is so full of surprises that sometime it shocks the heck out of you and all you do is wonder why, I have one such surprise to share with you all that will leave you stunned, and it surrounds this good looking dark thin guy by the name of Shev, my brother in law, one that I always believed would have made it far in life. For years now he has been in a on and off type of relationship with Estella. I really can’t say this was a relationship because he used to treat Estella as if she was never around, they would seldom have any fruitful conversations when ever I saw them together. They seldom spoke, at least that was what I noticed. But they had a beautiful little daughter together, her name was Isis. She was really a lovely little girl, one that captures the heart of anyone she knew.
I would never forget the talks me and Estella used to have, some of them was when he was visiting at my home. I would tell him, that I just don’t understand why you two are together, it is as if your good for only a week and then you guys are back on the war path. They were like two north poles of a magnet. They seldom had great moments together.
I was never really aware of all the problems they were facing, but I heard some stories from Estella concerning the way he used to treat her in Holland. It was as if the two of them was in such a horrible relationship from their school days. Anytime you confronted Shev about why he did those things to Estella he would just laugh it off.
They had plans on going to live together and I told them that it made no sense, I asked them why would they want to live together and they seldom even talk. Some how nothing ever got through their thick skulls, they started to make plans to go and live in the home from my Mother in law. That created problems and somehow it never happened.
I told Estella, that if she was my daughter, I would hit her over the head with a brick. She once had a serious bruise on her hand, and told me she got that when they were arguing, I told her that is physical abuse, girl I truly don’t understand why you would put up with this.
One day as we were speaking I asked Shev, if he would like someone to do onto his daughter the exact same things he is doing onto Estella. He became silent for a moment and then said; “No”. I honestly believed that things was really going downhill fast and the two of them decided to split. This was not the first time they broke up and parted, somehow they always came back together. And would start the fussing and arguing all over again.
The Tuesday night confrontation
One Tuesday night, I saw my wife, her Mom and her brother Shev having a chat concerning his relationship with Estella. They were convincing him to try and treat her nice and win back her love.
At that moment I jumped in and said, I am shocked that your trying to get back with her, because you always treat her so bad. And said, that you know once a women doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore it is very hard to get her back. He said, I have no problem with that I am cool with the whole situation. He said that if he wasn’t cool with it, he would really hurt her new boyfriend. It seemed Estella had found herself a guy she really loved and they were going really steady.
I asked, what would you get from that?
I told him that you would have many more guys to hurt all your life, because life goes on. He then said she can go on with her life, it’s all good. Well, it all seemed that he was coping great with Estella leaving him.
He was just driving around all alone on Election Day
That Friday was election day in St. Maarten and we all decided to go and vote and hang around the voting boot in South Reward next to the Milton Peters College. Me and my wife went with the kids and cast our votes. While there I ran into my brother Donny, and he came and chilled with us.
While there we saw Shev pass up and down the road three times driving in his car. I asked my wife what her brother was up to, it looks like he is lost. She then told me that he was having a hard time dealing with his broken relationship. She also said that they were looking for a shrink (Psychiatrist) that will help him get over this.
I had no clue it was really that bad, he looked great in my eyes, and he was also dating other women. No one really paid much attention to this whole ordeal, because on this island of St. Maarten breaks ups are a common thing.
The day the clouds burst and blood fell from the sky
It was getting kind of late and the darkness was setting in, we all parted and proceeded to home. It wasn’t even a good 15 minutes after we got home that my phone rang.
I got a call that evening around seven that made me sick to the stomach, all hell broke loose. I will never forget this day, as I answered my phone, Sandra told me that Shev had just shot a guy and jumped in his car and drove away from the scene.
I told my wife, and she began to cry and break down, she fell to the ground. I held her up and she said she has to go by her Mom. I drove her to her Mom and I was very speechless. As we got there, the news had already reached her Mom, she was also crying, everyone was devastated. I asked if anyone called Estella. But, I guessed they were grieving and no one was thinking of little Estella and the devastation that she witnessed.
My phone was ringing off the hook and I was hearing all kinds of stories as to what happened. The more I heard the more bitter it made me. He shot Richard eleven times, while Estella was standing right there, clinging onto him. Not once, but eleven times he shot him. I just can’t picture what she went through. I took my phone and called her phone, she didn’t answer.
The whole family was very worried, and me and Marvin (Shev’s brother), decide to go and look for him. We drove to all the places we think he would be, but didn’t find him. As we were heading home, we heard that they found his car, and drove by the scene where his car was located. It seems they found his cell-phones and a bunch of beer cans and a couple empty tablet bottles. But, no good was found, none will ever be found also.
As we got back to my wife mothers home, my phone rang, it was Estella’s best friend. She told me that she is really taking it hard and can’t speak. I told her that I have no words to offer, just tell her to be strong for Isis.
Around midnight that evening Estella called, and she was crying hysterically and said; “None of them called, your the one who isn’t even related in any form or fashion, and you called”.
I said, this is tough on everyone, and if she would like to speak to one of them. She said, no, they don’t care, they never called. I don’t want to speak to no one right now. My ears was ringing, because all I kept replaying in my mind is her cries. It was really touching. I just didn’t know what to say. How could this happen, I never pictured this happening in my life.
What went wrong here?
Why wasn’t he telling anyone about his problems?
How could it be that no one knew of his plans?
Was he so over the edge and no one noticed anything?
All kinds of questions ran through my mind, all were unanswered, at that moment I knew how bad this would get. the whole family was devastated. Two families affected by one person deeds, this can’t be real.
That evening I got little sleep, the next day was Saturday, and we got a call later that they found Shev, wondering around in Belvedere. The police took him in and no one was allowed to see him for a couple days.
He was very toxic, and was taken to the hospital and placed under protective custody, where they weer allowed to bring clothing for him.
Turning the blame away from the shooter
One thing led to another and from there my life turned a living hell, I heard my wife’s Mom say how Estella was to blame because she was having an affair with both guys. That really made me sick, and out of respect I didn’t really say what I wanted to… but, I told her her that doesn’t give him the rights to shoot anyone.
It was as if they were trying to blame Estella for what happened here. Well, when my wife came home that day, I tried too explain her what is going on here, and told her what your Mom is saying is wrong, I don’t acre if Estella was a hooker, your brother took someone life.
She was totally in full agreement with her Mom, I told her please remember that what your saying here is that if your daughters should meet a someone sick like your brother that it alright for him to take her other boyfriend life because they broke up.
This was even the worse part of it all, Richard’s family also turned their back on Estella. she was going through this ordeal all alone. The blame was shifted, and I just can’t figure out what was happening here.
My home became a battle ground
There was no reasoning left in my home, my wife believed in her brother. I was witnessing for the first time in my life how people try to cover up there own family wrong doings.
What are we teaching our own kids here, when we try and protect them even when they are wrong. Is it much easier to pass the blame?
My mom always raised to prove right from wrong, and she turned in her own kids once when there was a case where a lot of the youths in St. Maarten was joy riding rental cars for fun.
This whole story was getting really bitter, because Shev was saying that he can’t recall what actually happened. My own opinion doesn’t count here, but I am not falling for that crap. It is impossible to not remember, and have no clue what you did with the gun. If the gun was discovered I would have easily believed that story.
From that day in January, my family life has changed, there is no trust amidst us anymore. All during this whole ordeal, I was trying to keep my kids calm, and explain them that what there Uncle did is wrong. No matter what people say, when you take another persons life, no one is to blame but the shooter.
I went behind my wife back and took my kids to see Estella and Isis on Christmas Eve. My kids were very happy to see Isis and Estella, and I was also glad to see them. All I can say is Estella is made out of stone. She is a real strong person, and I do hope you don’t let anyone abuse you like that again in your life.
What a life of growing pains
Form the time I knew Estella, she was always saying that her whole life was always filled with sadness. When she was younger her father died, and Estella was raised by a adopted family. I have met her adopted family and they really gave Estella a life, and they are really nice people. Her Mom lives in Holland, but for some reason or the other never wanted to take Estella with her. I have never heard the reason why.
Now she was faced with this tragedy, her life was a mess.
I told her one day, stop crying, your pain and suffering will pass, but Shev life will never be the same, and all of us will hurt because of his deeds.
The lesson here is that we have to learn how to stand responsible for our acts and think before we do and think of the people we will be hurting before we do anything ridiculous in life. Many families are hurting because of your actions, and no life lost can ever be regained. This was unjustified, and it goes to show that what we think about all day long is what will affect our minds.
We will never ever know what was going through Shev mind when he pulled the trigger, but a life was lost, and Estella was blamed for the whole thing. Some Mother’s turn away from their own kids wrong doing and forgot that they themselves is just a woman and physical abusive is not needed to solve your problems.
I can honestly say for the first time that I now truly understand what they mean when they say: “Blood is thicker than water“.
I have witnessed first hand how a mother tries to protect her own son and pass the blame onto someone else. Are we supposed to protect our own kids wrong doing?
My life will never be the same, because a dark cloud brews over me, my family and my wife. We don’t communicate like we used to. We can’t ever discuss her brother, because she sees things totally different than I do.
Shev got sentenced nine years, and when they appealed he got an extra three and a half years.
What made him do it will remain a mystery, and he will have to deal with his own conscience and guilt, and see how he will continue with his life after that. I don’t know if I can ever face him and pretend like all is well.
It saddens me to see how Shev’s family life has changed, they were always a family that stuck together. He did a selfish thing and left many hearts broken. That will always leave a big scar on the family heart.
I am also sorry for Richard’s family, because he was really a great kid. I have never known him, but everyone who did and even Estella spoke highly of him.
Estella, I am sorry to see what you went through, and I do hope you find happiness in your life. You didn’t deserve what you got, all you was looking for is someone to love.
Life will never be the same for all whom was affected by this horrific act, I do hope we all learn that violence isn’t the way out. Your hurting more people than you can think of when you commit such evil acts. Both families has been affected and even Estella and her family.
To forgive and forget, but can we really get this out of our minds?
Posted in Behavioral Concepts, Communication, Dating Tips, Personal Honesty and Openness |
October 25th, 2007 at 2:16 am
What a very interesting text!
But what I would like to know is, how did Estella move on with her life (if you have any idea).
There isn’t much I can say about this. It’s just shocking that Shev took someone’s life just because Estella left him.
From what you wrote, he didn’t love her and didn’t want her to be happy with someone else if she’s not miserable with him….
But life really does go on
October 26th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
i think shev is a coward he knew what he was doing. But i enjoy reading it. Hope Estella get and find happiness and love. My mom thoughts there a thin line between love and hate. And he never loved her. But his family never did either.
October 27th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
I think we are missing the point here, I am not trying to ridicule no one and slander. I do believe that we are dealing with someone who totally lost it.
Be honest with yourself, and go back in the past and admit that you could tell from who Shev was that he would commit such an act. I do believe something went wrong, but what, we will never ever know, because only he knows the truth and for that he will pay the price, and that is why he is currently serving time.
Should we say he is a coward, then your just as much a coward, because you hide behind a nick name. But, that is not important.
I think what I am trying to establish here is the best way to spot the signs and prevent this from ever happening on our lovely Island St. Maarten.
I bet you, that if it affected your family you would have been seeing this whole issue from another point of view.
I will have to write a follow up to this, because the message isn’t really clear here, it is for us to spot the signs and be able to prevent this from happening to another family.
October 27th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
I am here to say that I have read this article and I just wanted to say there will be many opinions and many people who think they know, but Alex, because you knew first hand not from hearing but by seeing and many one-on-one conversations we had with one another you are very aware and up to date on everything that happened.
I have never spoken out on anything and that is why many people assume the worst of me and think that I ended one relationship for another or even that I was with both of them. If its one thing I have always had pride about was my choices I made in life and that through it all I could always walk with my head held high. I stayed in a broken miserable relationship for 9 yrs just because I kept saying we had a child together and I was afraid to move on because I did not think I deserved or could find better. It’s really terrible how one’s fears can hold them back from finding ultimate happiness and ones selfish ways can come and destroy someone else happiness. Its incredible.
Alex, I admire you for speaking the truth not for me, but because it has cast a dark cloud over your family and it has destroyed many lives. To bad as I say the only person whose life has come together is Shervin. All he ever wanted was his family love and acknowledgment and he finally got it. To bad an incredible life was lost and many lives completely destroyed including mine for him to get what he always wanted and his family not acknowledging his and their own faults but casting blame on me. As I keep saying their BIBLE obviously speaks a different word than the one I grew up with, because all I see is them hiding behind God and using him as a sort of facade.
I decided never to say publicly what all Shervin has done and what all the family knows and has seen but instead let the truth eventually unravel itself.
I see the intensions of your article on how to prevent this or see the signs but Alex people sometimes can say they are fine, they will be okay and then in the blink of an eye just do the complete opposite.
What no one knows is how Shervin asked us to meet him so he could take Isis to the circus and when we got there said he wanted to talk. What no one knows is that he spoke to Ricky begging him to take Isis to the circus the same circus he promised to take Isis to. What people dont know is that the same way he asked Ricky politely to take Isis to the circus is the same way that Ricky said NO he could not because Shervin made a promise and he shoudl keep his promise and that he was not standing in his way of him and Isis.
What people dont know is Shervin said he knew Ricky and I where in love and that he could not chnage that and just took his gun out right there and then and shot Ricky.
Is there any way to see the tell tale signs that he was goign to do that from that sort of behavior. His body movement was like any given day really. Nothing dramatic, violent, cursing, obscene language and definatly he had eye contact. It was not like he was afraid or fidgitting or even nervous. He was very calm and to me his head was clear just finding the right moment when we where both off guard.
I just think that being unstable and what he did are two very different things. As I can see he was very jealous of Ricky and he knew Ricky was a good man and had a good background, great family and loved by everyone. But Shervin has always had to put up a front, front at school, front at home, front for his friends, front at work and front for his family. When you have to make so many different faces I think after awhile you no longer know yourself but instead you have to live up to everyone elses expectations except your own because he did not even know what he was about anymore. I love my daughter and she is the best thing ever and I would not change her for anyhting in the world and its a delight to sharemy life with her and if Shervin family choice is to have no relations with her, thats fine by me because she has a great loving home and has people who love her.
And as for Shervin it is his loss, his one thing in life that he should have lived up to and be able to show all the wonderful things in life he made a choice and with that choice he has lost out on seeing the smile on his daughter’s face as well as the many tears he has caused her. The sad part is she saw what happened and that I nor no one can take away from her.
And that is the question: How do we heal, how do we pick up the pieces and how do we move on and try find joy in the simple things that trully matter in this world.
October 27th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Thanks for speaking out. It really took courage.
As I have been saying, I admire your strength and I believe you have to live for Isis. This whole ordeal is what I was trying to explain. No one knows what you go through on a day to day basis, and I can only say that you will not get over this without professional help.
Estella, please don’t put yourself through this again, it will only cause more pain. You have been through enough.
What I am trying to establish here is a way for this to not happen to anyone again. You have to be strong for Isis and make sure she does not fall prey to some abusive relationship. If your not strong and she grows up accepting abuse from men, then we have failed miserable as parents.
And I fully agree with you, where do we find joy and happiness?
Look deep in your heart, it has always been there, you don’t need a man to bring that out, you have it in you, let it shine through.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I know that Estella is hurting for witnessing the whole event that took place that evening, I would never say that Estella is at fault although maybe Shev’s parents holds it against her. I would just like to let her know that I do not believe Richard’s parents holds it against her, I just think that she should understand that it is something very hard for them to deal with, nothing can ever bring Richard back. This was a young man full of love with his head on, can anyone imagine loosing their child over no particular reason.
I know Estella in grieving, but his parents are grieving also and everyone should respect that, although with time the pain will ease, Richard can and will never be forgotten.
I read the hold story, and I realized that apart of it was not published, let me just add this.
November 5th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Shev came to Richard’s house on his lunch break and walked right in and went upstairs to where Richard and Estella was. This is so sick. Thats only means Shev never took the breakup good as much as everyone thought he did. He maybe went their to kill him that day, but the fact the Richard’s stepmother was home, he changed his mind.
My opinion is, Estella should have gone with Isis to meet her father alone, rather than allowing Richard to accompany them, because of the incident before, that only prove that Shev was in a unstable condition.
Life is not a chess game, everyone have feelings and should respect each other feelings regardless of the situation. It is very sad that Richard had to loose his life for people to realize the importance of respect to others.
This only means when people are hurt if they say they are okay, this really does not mean they are okay, everyone has ways of dealing with pain. I do not agree with Shev, to cheat Richard of his life, it was a wicked and selfish act.
Rest In Peace RLC, you will never be forgotten, we will always have a part of you in our hearts, you life may have been cut short but you have had an impact on our souls that your love and memory will last forever.
We miss you so much.
Love Always TC
November 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Estella, how are you coping with this? Both u and Isis? We would really love to know. A response will be very much appreciated.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I have read the comments left by TC and would like to say that you for having the courage to speak out. Many people are often afraid of what someone else would think. I take it that you are someone close to the Family or that you know me and know Ricky and his Family very well.
To be totally honest I never ever had any inclination that Shervin would resort to doing something of that caliber. Although I have never stated this, he had spoken to Ricky on two occasions and they laughed and spoke briefly. He told Ricky and I to our face that he knew he messed up in the past and that he was to blame and that he wished he could change things but obviously I had moved on. Ricky said, if there were any problems let him and that he was not in any way holding Isis from him and that when he met me I was single and I was not in a relationship and we both want to pursue the relationship and no one is forcing anyone.
You see a lot of fine details are left untold because no matter what I say Ricky will never come back, we have lost him forever and my nightmares never stop. Isis’s questions and nightmares never stop either. You know it’s a pity that in all of this Shervin was seen as the biggest victim by his Family. It became the blame game.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
CONT”D
“What I did to Shervin” “Why did I have a relationship? “ooh Shervin is a man and that’s what men do? all of this I was told but you see the women in his Family forgot their own crosses that they have had to carry. As I keep saying many untold fine details. Do you think I broke up with Shervin to be with Ricky……………….Far from it, Shervin and I were broken up from months before, off course we have a child together so off course our communication could not be broken. I had several talks with Shervin’s mom and she gave me some advice, sorry to say advice that I took and in the end the same advice was erased from her memory, also Shervin sister who also game me advice and saw my tears and even met Ricky, oops also to be erased because that has never been spoken of. I guess my happiness was not to be once their family portrait was tainted.
You see I may not visit the church 5 times a week, but I have always and will remain HONEST in this. I blame myself for a lot of things. Everyday I replay it in my mind, Had I done this, Had I done that, Should I of done the other……..and every time my answer remains the same “In the end I would of chosen to stay with Ricky regardless and so did Ricky.
Our once in a lifetime was “once in a lifetime” . Never have I found completeness in someone, never had I found genuine love and freedom to be all I have ever dreamed of.
TC you said you think that I should of gone to take Isis to here father alone. Indeed I was, but every time Shervin kept changing where he wanted us to meet. And he said he was taking Isis to the Circus and he just wanted to talk to Ricky and I about Isis. Ricky said, off course he is a part of Isis’ life now and that he thinks that he should hear what Shervin has to say, so instead of meeting somewhere private as he asked, which was first he said “meet him at his Mother’s house” and Ricky said NO, then Ricky said at his house and I said NO and then Shervin said on the Boardwalk and I said NO, in the end I decided best place would be where our friends where which was Down Street. Everyone was outside due to elections and they were all having fun. I thought public, open, lots of people ………………….”what could possibly go wrong?
Well I live with the fact that EVERYTHING and more went wrong. I know everyone has grief and they all deal with it in their own way and have to process grief. But do you know what is hurt full, I have lost my Dad to a car accident I was a part of when I was 8 years old, I lost my Mom as soon as I left for College and then I lost the love of my life right before my very eyes. I have dealt with loss every ten years since I was 8, and that is something I am very very aware of. I know what its like to hurt, I know what its like to ask questions every day and I know what its like to feel every part of your body hurt because you just do not understand how God works.
I prayed and asked God to find happiness and find that love that I have been searching for. The FAMILY I have always wanted and I had finally found it. I loved everything about Ricky, I loved his smile, his way of laughing, his walk, his way of letting me know I was special or that I was thought of, his short visits to my job, our little walks on the boardwalk, our little drives, just all the simple things that last a lifetime. As I said “HE WAS MY ONCE IN A LIFETIME, ONCE IN A LIFETIME”
I deal with him being gone in many way..I get angry, I am very emotional at times, I sit and reflect on all the things we did together, I find comfort in all the words he told me of having self worth and not being afraid to love, I remember his constant laugh at me when we would say the same thing at the same time and what shocks me is Isis remembers so many little things and its shocking to see her try to keep his memory alive by drawing or writing his name down. She says ” she was lucky because she had two Dads, her father and Ricky who also loved her”.
There are so many things I could say TC but I just deal with this the best way that I can and try hold my head up and try and absorb the hatred I get, the criticism, the blame and I guess everything that comes with it. They say I am strong but I don’t know how much one person can take because after all I am the only one left standing on the outside. Ricky is not here to speak for himself or me, Shervin is behind a closed gate and he does not have to face anyone but his Family who let him know “Estella is the one to blame for all of this” and go around preaching this to many people on SXM and then there is me. I am left to face everyone, take peoples stares , people judgement & criticism and everything else.
I live by this ” I will not be broken” “I shall not be broken”
Psalms 31:18, “Let the lying lips be put to silence;” and for the rest TC I live each day like my last. I take care of Isis and I do what I have to make my days brighter.
November 9th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Estella and Alexander,
First of all let me complement you both on taking the fisrt step towards your recoveries from this tragedy! It must not have been easy for either one of you to stand up and take the courage to speak out no matter what the consequences may be.
Alexander: Your thanks and blessing will come in tenfold, for you have finally brought the light to a situation; that for Estella seemed to be a never ending dark pit! You spoke the truth.As a friend of Estella\’s, I tell you thank you from the botttom of my heart.
Estella: I have told you time and time before. You are a survivor! There is a saying that the one who cries today, will not cry for long. Estella your tears will stop one day, for you have a clean and genuine heart and those that know you and know what you are about and stand for, know that. ( even Sherv\’s family) I have witnessed myself, first hand the effects that that day has had on Isis, and I myself was enraged for she ( and no other child) should ever have to reason and deal with such an event. Her innocence was stolen by a senseless act. But even for that there is foregiveness. Estella you are blessed in ways that many others wish for. You have gained true and unconditional friends that will be there with you no matter what .
For us to avoid ever having to deal with such a tragedy again, it is important for us to instill high morals and values in our children and teach them these by our deeds and actions! Teach them to respect others! Remind them that we are God\’s children here on earth to enjoy each others company and all the beautiful things that he has made for us.
Estella , keep your head up and keep your love and communication for Isis alive.
Love you both always,
Judianne and Keziah
November 11th, 2007 at 3:11 am
Hi Judianne,
That was one powerful response, and thanks for the kind words. It\’s not easy, and much has changed in my life since that dreaded day. I don\’t know you or maybe I do, but thanks for your comment.
It bothered me since that day, and I finally gathered up all the courage in my body and put this site together.
Estella, you was always kind to me, and a true friend indeed. I do hope you have not lost your smile and with friends like Judianne, and the many other friends you have. They believed in you, and kept you strong.
Keep it all together, and I do wish that one day when I need strength, I will be as strong as you.
I admire you girl…. I honestly do.
November 11th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Hi Alex,
I think this sight has become an outlet for many emotions that have been bottled up for so long. I will admit this ordeal had indeed shown me TRUE FRIENDSHIP and as well as the people you have to leave behind in order to move forward.
I will say that Judy is an awesome person, with a strong character and this ordeal is what really brought us together and it has formed an unbreakable bond between us. We know what pain is and maybe thats why we understand eachother so very very well.
You as I alway say are one of my favorite people and for that you have alwasy remained honest with me, whether it be good or bad and I thank you for that. You know off course my friendship with Tamara is undeniably unbreakable and Ricky was her cousin so you know how hard that was. Her mom Jacky stood by my side through it all and took many harsh words for me as well. Marie, Tamara’s other sister as well. Aunty Venda and her husband and son Stacio always stood as pillars by my side and gave me strength to see that Isis was my only way of getting through this, because she needed me most and I could not let her down. Sharida, wow what can I say spent each waking moment making sure I ate and that my mind was at ease. Even if it was just a phone call or a drive around the island just to help me free my mind from all the insanity. There were alot of people who also called and sent prayers of courage and told me to be strong as hard as it was and though I would never forget Don’t ever blame myself.
In the past year and 10 months my friendships have evolved and so have I. Many people say that I am strong and they don’t know how I have survived so much pain. I can say that it can be taken as a great compliment but at the same time it can fill your heart with darkness because you no longer wait for happiness but instead wait for tragedy. That is also not a good thing. Sometimes I do catch myself not trusting anyone around me, not wanting to walk in the dark and just always looking over my shoulder. When your trust and comfort zone have been destroyed it is very hard to get back to the point where you think the world is safe. I work on that every day and pray that I do not live in fear because then Shervin will have won by breaking me in every form. Breaking my heart, my spirit, my mind and character and taken away my freedom for living.
Alex, when you need strength at your deepest and darkest hour once you have God, and I do mean have God in your life and not hide behind him adn use him as a porn to portray yourself as a believer he will be your light and your strength and your friends who trulyl love you and won’t stand and see you fall will also be right by your side. Holding you, guiding you and supoorting you all the way.
This was a quote that I got and I thought it would be great to add:
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face… The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it… You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
November 23rd, 2007 at 12:47 am
Hi Estella,
Let me start by thanking you very much for your response, it only make things even more clearer. I know you may be wondering who TC is? All I can let you know, I know you from school and I remembered sharing alot of happy laughter with you. So I know you never did anything intenionally to hurt Ricky. I also know Ricky, and know that he had love you very much. I admire your strength to stay strong for Isis and yourself. I also admire that you choose to open up in depth about what happened cause at the end of the day the truth do set you free. Free so that people, harsh judgement don’t keep you sheltered.
Thanks to Alexander for allowing all of Ricky’s family and friends to read the truth. It will not bring him back but it sure helps soothes the pain. All of Rickys close friends and family was affected in one way or the other. And to be honest, I too had blame you at the time, because of things people was saying, no need to bring those false rumors up. I am sorry, you would never believe how much, I did not even know how to face you after the incident, I guess because the pain was still fresh.
I wish you and Isis all the best, there has been alot of stumbling rocks on your path but with God by your side, you will get through it. One day when I find the strength, I will let you know face to face that I am Tc and that I am sorry deeply for not knowing better.
December 13th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Hi Estella,
I did not get to know you really that well, but I\’ve always enjoyed the time we had the opportunity to talk when you visited my home.
I was totally unaware of what was going on, so it\’s difficult for me to comment. All I know is that a life was lost and a lot of lives have changed and relationships severed
I especially enjoyed Isis who is really a fine little girl. I guess she must much bigger now.
I wish you and Isis all the best. I will always remain with the fond memories that we have shared.
All the best and sterkte!
Alvin Rombley