Life Improvement Tips For The Wise Few

Do you know what that two letter word is? Why is it so powerful? And why doesn’t people use it?

To be a strong and confident person means that you know and use this powerful two letter word. Time has proven that one who has the power knows how to say, NO. Yes, that is the most powerful two letter word known to man, it drives home the point and makes people pause and rethink what you just said. I have to admit that many of my friends I speak with has no clue how powerful it is to say no.

I always grew up knowing this, and at times I honestly overused that word. I was kind of a selfish person and many people told me I didn’t care about anyone but myself. But, as time went by I got better and better at saying no. I soon realized that people hated that word. It is what I call a protection word, it protects you from anything wrong and shows people that they can’t use you.

To bring over this point is not very easy and I will try to give you some examples that I have seen myself that shows how powerful that word is.

If your a person that likes to please everyone, then you will be in for a treat right now. Take one of your friends whom you have always said yes to, and then on your next meeting, simply say no to whatever they ask. You might get a shock from the harsh reaction you will be given, but just do it and don’t be afraid.

Now let’s understand what we are trying to achieve here. Most people are always trying to get their own way, and that is why they hate it when someone says no. You are actually trying to see how the people around you reacts whenever you turn them down. Another statement that your making clear by saying no, is that your in control of your life, and you don’t walk to anyones beat. This is so powerful, yet many people ignore that. Your the sole owner of your life, and you should also be responsible for any and all decisions you make. And that is why you should also control what you wish to do and for who.

I was talking to a close friend of mines and I told him about that game I play with my kids, so that they would learn how to say no. He then told me that he just wished that he had that power. He said that many people just use him because he never refuses.

Isn’t that something great, he thinks that they are using him. The problem with him is that he has no clue what he just said. No one can use you unless you let them. When you do something for someone, do it from your heart, and that way you won’t feel used. It is the same power you have to refuse. If you don’t refuse, then that means you wanted to help, so then you can’t say they used you.

I can imagine you shaking your head right now, but don’t feel surprised, many of us just say yes, because we don’t want to hurt someone feelings. get used to hurting someone else by refusing, they will ask another and another until someone says yes.

Teaching yourself to say NO

I have a little game I play with my kids, and it’s called; “Say Now Week.” During this week, each and everyone of us is allowed to say no to whatever the other person request. My son is really the nice one, because when I ask something of him, he responds with the words: “Sorry, Daddy, I want to do it, but it’s no week, so you have to do it yourself.” You can sense how nice he is, because he gives you a reason first.

My eldest daughter on the other hand just says no, and smiles. My youngest, just likes the idea of no week, I am not to sure if she understands why we are playing this game. When anyone does something for the other, we just say, you loose, you did it, it’s no week.

The lesson that I try to teach my kids with this game is that you should never feel bad that you said no, if someone should get mad because you said no, then that isn’t a good friend to start with.

In my house this is just a game that we play once in a blue moon, but in real life you should play this game as well, it will make you stronger and more confident. Don’t do anything that you don’t want. Teach yourself how to say no in a nice manner. And smile while your saying it, that way it won’t come across in a harsh manner.

What is the use of saying no?

Many of the kids together go around following friends and end up getting in serious problems because they are afraid to say no. There was one such case where a couple friends would go out on a Friday night and drink until they got drunk, they did this each and every weekend. One weekend, a new friend came over to the house and he was asked if he wanted to go along. He told them that he didn’t want to, but they persuaded him to go along anyway.

One lesson you should also stick with is to always follow your mind. If you made up your mind, don’t change it for anyone.

As the night went along, this friend who never drank, also began drinking. He himself was blissed. They were heading home and they got in a terrible car accident. As strange as it may seem the one who got hurt was my friend, he broke his leg. He told me of this accident and I told him that I always try to follow my mind. So that should be a lesson for you to live by.

Many times in our life, we will be confronted with a bad situation and our heart will tell us that we don’t want to be part of this, but we let someone else decide for us what we will do. So from now on, just control your urges to say yes, and think twice before you do. Don’t ever do something that you will regret. Make a decision and stick with it.

A couple days ago, I saw a group of girls fighting, and one of the girls in the group watching the fight was someone I know very well, she was a student of mines. The fight was heating up and one girl hit the other one with a plank over her head. To my amazement the other friend stepped away from the fight and watched her friends go at it. Many would call her a coward, but I saw how smart she was to keep out of that.

Why get yourself in trouble for something so stupid. She made a wise decision, it was not your problem so why make it yours. Learn to walk away, not every fight should be your fight.
The last example here would be to show you how one person didn’t follow their mind and lost their life.

A couple years back, one cousin called another cousin to come and help him with this guy who he had problems with. This boy was always smiling, very friendly and well mannered. He told him that he was getting ready for bed, and he didn’t want to come down there right now. His cousin insisted and he got dressed and went by the cousins home and they went look for the guy. One thing lead to another, and a gun shot was fired, the one who got out of his bed lost his life.

It is sad how one thing leads to another, while your mind told you no, and you wasn’t going there. We always use words like, if he only knew. Yes, we don’t ever know, but if we follow our minds, we won’t have to ever find out.

Have you ever notice how girls fall for ugly or skinny looking guys and wonder why. The answer is simple, they have mastered the art of not letting any girl dictate what they should do, and that is by saying no. The more times you say no to a girl the more she likes you. Use it, get to like and say no some more, watch the power this word has.

If you want to be a better person, learn how to say no and stick with your decision. Don’t be afraid of saying no and don’t feel bad when someone says no to you. You have the rights to ask, but you have to keep in mind that they have the rights to say no.

I have a little story I would like to share with you today, and it is something I learned while observing my five year old. It is a great lesson that we forget once we feel that we are grown up. Don’t take that statement lightly, because we are never grown up enough to not learn something from someone else. Just shows you that even a little kid can teach us, if we would only pay attention.

My little five year old came home one day and she had a party bag in her hand. She got in the house and started to unpack her party bag, it had some candies, a juice, some cookies and a skipping rope. She asked me if I would teach her to skip. Well, I got up and told her that you have to try and skip on your own, because this rope is too short for me. And I said that this rope isn’t any good for skipping. I asked my bigger daughter if she would help us and she came across, and together we tried to show her how to skip.

It just wasn’t working, my elder daughter said the same thing; “This rope isn’t good for skipping.” My daughter got mad and started to cry, she said we didn’t want to teach her. I honestly felt real bad, but I just didn’t bother to try and teach her, because I was honestly convinced that this rope was no good.

About fifteen minutes later, I saw her trying to skip with this rope, I did as if I wasn’t watching, she was moving from room to room trying to skip. My elder daughter said, that she was annoying her and she wasn’t even listening to what I just said about the rope not being good enough.

I told her to leave her alone, she will get tired and give up after a while, I then told my daughter that I would go and buy her a more firmer skipping rope tomorrow. She just did as if no one was there, and continued to try. I can’t tell you exactly for how long this went on, because we were not paying any attention to her anymore. We were actually ignoring her.

All I saw was my daughter moving forward towards the living room, she looked at me and said: Daddy, look…

My daughter took that rope and was jumping for life, she was skipping, and I was counting, she made 11 jumps without getting tangled. I was happy to see that, but she was even happier, she came over to me and I said, your skipping, give me a hug and a kiss.

What did you learn from that story?

The benefit of being a good observer is that you learn things from life while others don’t seem to picture those simple life lessons. Don’t go about your life not observing what is happening around you, there are lesson everywhere that you can learn from, learn to spot the positive things in your life. Do the same, as I did with my five year old. It can be a lesson from a grown up another child or anyone else, pay attention and truly listen and learn as you observe your life through a new lens.

Children don’t know failure, they don’t know how to quit. You, on the other hand give up just before you see success. My daughter taught me that I didn’t believe in her, and she proved me wrong. That is the way you should look at life. Prove others wrong when they don’t believe in you. Only you can decide how much you want to be successful. And, no matter what happens, just don’t give up and go with such determination as a five year old and do exactly what it is you wanted to do but has been putting off, because you were afraid to fail.

My daughter showed me that it isn’t important if who thinks you will fail or not, what is important is that you don’t believe in failure and that you will have to work harder than anyone else to get what you want. She was so convinced, she would learn to skip, that she kept at it until she did. I honestly didn’t think she could have learned how to skip with that rope. The most important point here is that you have to stop listening to others who are telling you that you can’t. Only you can decide if you can or can’t, and if you live with the option in your head that you can’t fail unless you quit. Then I don’t see how it will be possible for you to fail at whatever you attempt to achieve.

So my question to you is: Why do you quit before you are successful?

I have witnessed many situations where a person totally lost it from the many stress related issues that was affecting their work environment. This weekend I heard about another close friend of mine being taken up into the psychiatric medical center in Curacao. This saddens me, because in a small community like St. Maarten, we should not be witnessing such major issues of depression.

As I think back and reflect on how we were sitting and joking about the times when you have to make a choice to move forward in life, I am honestly questioning how he could have let himself be affected in such a horrible manner. I really have no intentions of mentioning his name, because of the respect I have for his family, but it really comes as a shock.

As I heard the story of what happened, I must admit that I heard it from more than a couple people so far, and have no way to verify what actually happened, it seems he was locked out of his office and could not get in. It seemed they totally blocked him from returning to work in the most horrific manner possible. He lost his job based on someone taping a conversation he had about someone and they playing back that tape to that person. How low do we stoop in life.

Anyone treated in such a fashion can go over the edge pretty easy. The bills has to be paid, mortgage can’t be paid, school fees can’t be paid, your kids has to eat and a wife breeding down your throat looking for money. I can go on and on, but as you can see, from all those issues, stress can increase on a day to day basis and totally take over your mind and make you loss total control.

To help protect more of you from following that route you I will try and show you how to deal with stress, and I dedicate this article to my friend. Sad to hear you let them win by giving into the nasty tricks that they play on you.

Stress management is not just a fancy name.

It seems many of us have no clue when we are stressing or worrying and don’t know when it is time to back-off and take a little break and free yourself from the surrounding stress levels that is affecting you at that moment. As a small community we have to pay close attention to what is happening around us, we have to know when something is bothering us, we have to learn how to leave all stress related work issues on the JOB and we have to know how to leave family related issues at home.

I did a search on WikiPedia.com, and here is what they have quoted:

“Stress management encompasses techniques intended to equip a person with effective coping mechanisms for dealing with psychological stress, with stress defined as a person’s physiological response to an internal or external stimulus that triggers the fight-or-flight response. Stress management is effective when a person utilizes strategies to cope with or alter stressful situations.” Here is a link you can follow for more information on stress management.

One thing I always praised myself for, is the ability to switch on and switch off what I am feeling. I leave all my problems behind, and I go and do something that I love to free up my mind. Many people see me on a day to day basis and they would swear that I have a perfect life. Well, I do believe that you too have to learn how to deal with stress, and that is the only way to prevent yourself form getting a nervous break down.

Don’t think for a moment that no one is being affected on this lovely little Island, we also have stress related symptoms to deal with, and now that this Island is so over-populated with cars and people, the stress levels are skyrocketing, you have to find simple ways to relieve stress.

Spotting the stress signs and accepting

You might not even know that your stressed if you have no clue what to look for, so I will give you a couple signs that can help you spot the symptoms. There are many signs, but I will give a couple of the more overlooked and common signs.

1. If your in attack mode on a daily basis, it is time for you to start paying close attention to yourself, this is a sign that your taking on a tremendous amount of stress
2. Muscle aches all over your body that you just can’t explain. Lot of tension in the neck muscles
3. A constant feeling of tiredness, you wake up feeling tired, you body is like it is drained, never having enough energy to do anything
4. Forgetfulness, you forget just about anything, no matter how important it is
5. Feeling sad on a daily basis, and not accomplishing much in your life because of how you feel
6. Not taking care of yourself, looking like you clothing or hairstyle is from the stone age
7. Silent attitude, not talking to anyone or confronting anybody about the issues your facing
8. Change in your behavior, your thought patterns, your feelings and your health

The above tips will give you a clear picture for you to be able to spot the signs. It is important that you understand how your own mind and body functions, because your the only person who can give in to the signs and do something about it. No matter how much someone tells you that you have changed, you won’t pay attention until you give in and accept that as a fact and then decides to do something about it.

Combating Stress

You will have to adjust and keep yourself on a healthy and more relaxed schedule, you will feel better and look great. This isn’t something for stressed out persons only, it will do you good and avoid you becoming depressed or just fatigued. Your life can always use a boost, it does wonders once you fuel your body and supply the right doses of the stuff that works.

Eating healthy is the first place to start, eat a good breakfast in the morning, a nice snack for lunch and a warm dinner at night. If your thin, skinny or small and wish to improve your overall health, then add a couple more snacks during the day. Eating more will help you gain more weight. Add a piece of fruit to your daily diet, and drink enough water on a daily basis. Once every month do yourself a favor and stop drinking sodas, and just drink water and fruit juices for one week. It would be best if you do this daily, but I myself just likes a little soda every so often.

Sleep, you should make sure your getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep drains the body and brings on stress, so make sure to give your body the rest it deserves. A thinking mind needs sleep enough rest to function properly.

Exercise, just try to make time for a little bit of muscle movement at least three times per week. It doesn’t matter if you just spend some time walking, it will help. Stop driving your car when you have to go anywhere close, just walk, it is much healthier. All we do on this Island is drive, drive and drive some more, as I see it the only people I see actually walking is the elder folks. Are we waiting until we are old to start getting fit?

Speaking with others about your issues. You have to learn not to bottle up anything that is bothering you and talk about the issues your facing daily. Don’t see them as problems, see them as another issue that you have to overcome. If your afraid to talk about your issues, then your not facing your issues and trying to overcome them. Don’t let nothing become a burden, you have the power to overcome any and everything.

Having a little place you call your own, where you can go to when your stress levels are high. I have such a spot that I go to whenever I am dealing with a issue that is really bothering me. I would love to let you in on my secret spot, but I wouldn’t want the whole Island just coming to the same place, it won’t be a secret spot anymore. I go there and sit just thinking on stuff that relaxes me, I don’t focus on the issue, it is just to get away from it all. And I must admit it really works.

I practice that last tip often with my kids on a ongoing basis. Every once and a while I will come up with the idea and say next week we will have “Say No Week”. This may sound weird, but it really works. What I tell them to do is say no to everything we ask from each other. That is the way to learn how to say no. Many people go through life trying to please everyone, they would never say NO. I do believe the word “no” should be placed with “please” and “thank you”, it is one of those powerful words we have to master.

I have seen people build stress on the job, because they accept work loads when they are already working so hard. They have their no ability shut off. Their stress levels rises and rises, soon they will pop. And guess what will happen when they loose it? All you will hear later is, wow, what a great worker, what happened. That is the first case of over working yourself. Spend time teaching yourself and your kids to say, no.

Your in charge today, but what about tomorrow…

A note to the people who is in charge of this worker, it seems great now that you have pushed a colleague over board, and while you sit and drink together bragging about this. Beware, life throws back some vicious blows your way. Your a manger, I do believe you should have skills and come up with better methods for leaving a worker go. The leaders in our community is acting in a very senseless and selfish manner. I guess it is all OK, because the people in our community seldom speaks out on what happens. As I see it, we can all learn from what is happening here, and stop laughing because it was someone else, it could have been you!
One more thing we should learn from this, and that is money doesn’t bring happiness, so don’t sell your soul just to make a little more of those green dollars. Value your pride and believe in what you stand for. I am seeing that so often today, that it amazes me how one person says one thing, and then turns around and swallows their pride and is now working for the enemy.

My Mom always says; “Money is the root of all evil, show me where I can find some of that evil.” Many people live just like that, they follow the path of making more money, and tramples anyone that gets in their way. My method has always been very simple, I will not snitch or trample anyone to make it in life, and I still live that way. What has to be will be, and what is yours will come to you.